Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
