Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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