i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
