This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
