Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
