We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
