Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone came in the potted fern
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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