Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
