If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
