if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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