don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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