The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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