I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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