Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
birth control should be required to get into college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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