woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
