so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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