i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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