Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
