Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
