Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
