Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
