When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
