i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
