im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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