I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize