I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
