i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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