I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
