Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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