apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
