he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
