Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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