Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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