I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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