Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize