She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
