I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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