i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
