You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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