You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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