can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
