Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I deserve this hangover.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
