I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My life is pants optional.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
