yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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