Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
