so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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