Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
