oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
