Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
