The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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