I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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