i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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