I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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