I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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