don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
