lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
