I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
