that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
