Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
