Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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